I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
