You just made me feel so damn special
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Still dying that you shit outside
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
