Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
