Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
