guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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