no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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