i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
