i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
