my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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