um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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