i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
