and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
