had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I had to cum in my sink.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
