You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
