He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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