She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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