I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
