everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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