I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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