Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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