guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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