My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
