You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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