No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
