Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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