Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
