Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
...so i touched it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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