Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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