o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
