My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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