you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
