My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
