two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
