Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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