Ketchup is God's man juice
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
