Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
