tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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