Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
