Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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