i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
