morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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