dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
