We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
