Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
