haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
