Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
