I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
