Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
