fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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