i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
